Sunday, 15 February 2009

home sweet home

I left my room at 4.30a.m on 13 February 2009. I got up at four and it was the first time that I realized the scent in that room. I realized it because I'm leaving it again. And this leaving, is probably a slightly unwilling one. I could not sleep well two days before the day I had to leave. On February 13, I indeed was very tired. I felt like the first time when I left home five and a half years ago. So many thoughts were messing with my mind. The fact that I had to make a choice in this junction of life has been driving me crazy all these while. I came home intended to calm my mind and soul. And I did. However, the answer to my life was still in vain. I'm 23 years old and I'm walking on the same path I did when I was 18. I doubt that I've grown even a little. As I walked out from the room, I took a deep breath so that I would not forget the scent of my room. The one I've been sleeping in since I was eleven.

13 February 2008, I was working in Woori Bank as an intern. I was happy because I was just an intern and there were no stress at all. I had plenty of nice people working around me, and some internship friends who were there to have coffee with me when I'm bored. My boyfriend was away, back home in Malaysia at that time. On the other hand, I was missing Chinese New Year at home because of the Internship. Even though I had to spend Valentine's Day alone, I still felt fine because there were nothing for me to worry about.

Summer, 2008. I made an irrational decision. I decided to go home for more than 2 months because of homesick. Many people had strived looking for internships and jobs and I, just happened to settle on spending my peaceful summer at home. I fought with my boyfriend because of this for a while. But he finally gave up quarrelling with me as I was a stubborn as an ox. Yes, I had a very nice summer at home while I missed out all the chances of getting a job. Moreover, I was so confident that I would be easily employed if I try applying during the winter vacation. However, it seemed like fate is playing an unpredictable game as the economy has just plunged into the deepest when I started looking for a job. Good job! Now you lost your opportunity of getting a job because no company could afford to hire anybody now.
January 27, 2009. I went to the airport alone, heading home to Malaysia for Chinese New Year holiday. My mom was eagerly expecting me to come home while I was too, very excited to go back. However, leaving my boyfriend alone in the City of Stress again, made me feel bad a little. Home, and my boyfriend; I wished I could have both at the same time. As I took off from Seoul, I felt the stress was lifting up from my shoulder. It had been 6 months since I felt this light again. On the journey home, I was so keyed up but at the same time missing somebody who is always there for me in the City of Stress. I guessed life would always be paradoxical.
14 February 2009. Valentine’s Day had passed by as we had a small barbeque party with some close friends.
16 February 2009. I was supposed to go to the lab today, but I decided not to since I have some other stuff to take care of. I wonder if life in graduate school would be a waste of my time, or would it be an experiencing one? I just hope that I would be happy there. I sincerely hope that I would be…

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