New Era of Positivity

Yesterday I was talking to my brother on the phone, complaining about my work and stuff like that as usual. I forgot that the power of negativity that can possibly bring me down to a shit hole. Luckily, he reminded me.
He told me that we should learn to ask from the universe, things that we desire. Do not complain because that's why you get all the bad stuff. He is right. I was the one who taught him about this secret years ago. But presently, I am drowned in vain. I was. I am going to change my life once and for all now!

So, my strategy is to come here and write about things that i want everyday!Visualize, and receive.
There's one thing that i really want now,no lab tomorrow! no lab after 7pm. Let me go home early! I want them to realize that letting me go early makes me a more productive person! So let me go early:) Yeah!

This is day one of my positivity program. :)

Idiotblue

CLOCK IS TICKING

Clock has been good to me these days. It has been speeding up its pace. I feel like graduation day is drawing nearer each second, the queue to buy the ticket of freedom is not long. Just a few more months away.
Start listening to one of my favorite radio station when i was a teenager, hitz fm today. Reminds me to myself when i was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen; before i stepped out from my comfy home country into the materialistic world. Damn, it's already 7 years ago. The songs are all so new and yet i am so old.

Waiting for a better tomorrow:)

Girl from the isolated cubicle

Long time no see

It's been quite sometimes since I last logged in and write something. Perhaps my life was too comfortable or maybe too busy. I lost most of my private time and personal space. I found some here and there. I found ways to get some rest or have a nice time with my boyfriend. Life still goes on as it is. Whether it is good or bad, it does not matter anymore. I'm going to enjoy every seconds of my life.:)

rough time

I guess i only write when my life is going downhill. I've always forgot about keeping a record of my life when I am on my easy way in life. I was happy to be back home for about 10 days, eventhough it was short, i think it was the happiest days in my life this year.
Bad luck started to hit on me since last Wednesday when I lost my wallet. Perhaps i shouldn't blame the luck because it was myself who was careless. I guess It was my fault entirely. And then, i got drunk in a gathering, and lost my cellphone on Thursday night. I got my phone back, but the fact that I got drunk makes me feel so bad about myself. I am not that kind of person and always hated those type of people.I feel like being away from home, my life drags me away from all the stuff that i believe. I miss home so much and I feel like quiting school and just leave this place this instance.However, I know that I am not a quiter. I am just going through a very rough time. Very rough. I wish i have somebody to talk to, but unfortunately i don't have many friends and none of my friends are here. I have to act tough in front of other people because i just don't want to seems week. I hate myself so much now eventhough i don't want to.

I guess this is for now.

Breath of a Breathless Soul

Life of a prisoner
As if I was a criminal
worst than a slave.
My mouth is sealed with thread,
by the thick needle which poke through my lips.
My voice echoing,
trying to break out from my throat.

Unreasonable commands which they forced me to abide,
unbelievable facts which they tried to make me buy,
unbreakable rules they wanted me to follow,
sucking every breath out of my soul.

Fell into this so-called higher institution,
Fell into this invisible shit hole,
Fell into the deepest point of my life,
I just hope I don’t turn out psycho.

Racist Bastard

There are so many different types of people in this world, same here within this high-class invisible jail. There are the PRETENDERs, the RACISTs, the SELF-FISHs, the FOLLOWERs and so on. The guy, who sat right behind me, is a RACIST shallow bastard who hates foreigners deep down inside his heart. Even though there are other juniors who he could refer to when asking about chemical stocks, he will not ask those with the same skin color and facial features as him but me. The thing is, he always ask with a frown on his face as if it was my entire fault that the chemical stock is out. While doing that to me, this racist bastard is super good to the other female junior who has the same race-line as he is. What a bastard! What a racist bastard!

Ordinary person

“I’m not Svante Arrhenius; I’m not a robot; I’m just an ordinary person.” It was the status of one of my labmate (senior) on the messenger today. The word ordinary suddenly reminded me to something that I’ve learned in one of my undergraduate class (western civilization), where one of the very interesting concept we discussed was about the “Ordinary Evil” by Candance Vogler. It was about the man who came up with the gassing massacre of Jewish people during the Holocaust.
Suddenly, I felt like everything around me is so unpredictable. I could not even tell what evil or good is; what ordinary or extraordinary is; what normal or abnormal is? But, are those questions even important? In Buddhism, ordinary and extraordinary are not any different from each other. Good or bad, they are the same. If I could break through this confusion of these questions, I guess I will be the freest person in the whole universe. However, I am just an ordinary person.
Good night.