Solubility Test

I am stuck in the confined box, doing experiment to synthesize something called ‘polymer’. As a part of the experiment, many tests are carried out to determine the ‘product’‘s characteristic. One of the most interesting tests is the solubility test. Basically, products are put into eight small vials which are smaller than your pinky. Then, eight different solvents are added into them to see if the product dissolved. It is an easy test, but means a lot in a way. Experimentally, it indicates the solvent to use for further tests such as viscosity test and so on. Philosophically, it exposes me to more questions of life. So, what kind of polymer am I? And what is my solubility? Here, in this lab, my solubility would be like oil and water which has a clear line of separation. I am like a failed product from incorrect synthesis process, not soluble at all in any of the organic solvent. Perhaps I could be soluble in strong acid which might have more energy and potential even though acid could burn at the same time. Maybe I just need more flexibilities and risks to be soluble.
Not all the time but sometimes, I think that organic solvents are hypocritical con-artist. Since the past few years, the word ‘organic’ has become more familiar to the public as capitalist promoting it in a sophisticated way to attract more wealth. It represents health or ‘well-being’, luxury and sometimes the education level of that person who use ‘organic’. Some people misunderstand organic as a synonym of natural, but I know that organic is never going to be the same as natural. A lot of organic vegetables did not grow from the ground as it was supposed to be, some of them grew in some sort of synthetic nutritious medium. But their prices are ridiculously high. It is obviously a scam but people are too blind to see it. Natural plant cultivation will not even cost a cent! Why are you paying extra for organic? Opps…how did I get here? Anyway, what I was trying to say is that, these organic solvents are just as same as those organic food frauds and maybe that is the reason why I am not soluble in it.
Many times, I feel like I should just take the risk and jump into the acid pool. Perhaps I will find something worthwhile. Today, some kind of unexplainable feeling just struck me. It made me feel as if I am living corpse that is already dead. Suddenly reminded me to a phrase that I’ve frequently used when I was writing in Mandarin,“她活着，可是她已经死了。她死了，可是她依然活着。”Which goes like this, “She is alive, but she is already dead. She is dead, but she is still alive.” I started to doubt my existence. I am living now, breathing oxygen into my lung; but am I really alive? Some people are dead, but they lived their life to the fullest and their spirit and happiness live eternally even without the body. At this moment, I wonder will I regret for staying back in this invisible prison for the coming one and a half years. I might.
To conclude what I’ve written so far, I am definitely a compound which is can never be soluble in any hypocritical, materialistic, phony organic solvents.