Moments in Public Transportations

2010.12.15



Early in the morning I took the subway to work. My workplace is about an hour distance from where I stay, but it’s normal for the city people. Most people travel to work every day and one hour journey is a very short one. Some take subways from the east of the city to the west which takes nearly two and a half hours. I used to know people who took trains from the suburban to come to school every day. At first, it sounded crazy to me, a person from a small town where almost everything is walking distance and no public transportation around. In my hometown, if you don’t have a car, you can travel probably with bicycle or a scooter or motorbike. But here in this city of ice, public transportation is widely available.

Today, the subway was as congested as usual. Standing in front of the fully taken seats, hoping for somebody to stand up; it was almost like warfare. Those that were sitting mostly reading or resting their eyes; those who were standing, like me, were mostly trying to be alert glancing here and there, sensing the movement around because every movement could mean somebody was standing up. And to grab a seat, speed matters. The most excellent “seat grabbers”, that’s what I would like to call them, are middle aged female who fight for most of the things in their everyday life. They fight to be in the front line to pay for their grocery; they bargain to get the lowest price in the market; and of course, they fight for their seats in public transportations. They are the best fighters. So, today I happened to stand in front of a male in his forties wearing his everyday suits resting his eyes, Next to her, was a middle size female who was resting her eyes too. However, this lady seemed to fall in her dreaming fantasy land as time passed by; she started to lose the balance and leaned towards the man. Her head was downwards and her arms were holding her bag tightly. As she leaned towards him, his immediately open his eyes and scanned around. At then, he gave a disgusted facial expression and pushed her slightly. She got up. For five seconds. And the same thing happened all over again. This scene got me to think, what if the female was a hot and beautiful young girl, would the man had reacted the same? Well, I guess I would have to try it out next time, lol!

As more people got off the subway, I got a seat. There was another scene which I watched with the feeling of unreasonable and pity at the same time. Here, many old people go around collecting newspaper to earn a living. Every morning, you can spot people in their seventies pushing through the crowed trying to grab every single newspaper they can because every single one could add a little more food to their empty stomach. I have no idea why aren’t their children taking care of them, perhaps some are just alone. And today, when a man who was reading a newspaper moved, walking towards the door to prepare for getting off the train, the newspaper collector who was in her sixties with rough wrinkles all over her face said, ”Can you please leave the paper here before you get down if you have finished reading?”. Her shivering voice piercing through my eardrums, gave me a sense of bitterness. The man ignored her and left with the newspaper. There she was, staring in vain for a few seconds; and then turned around to continue collecting newspaper. It was sad. It could be unreasonable for the man when she requested him to give the newspaper, but she did not say it in an impolite or demanding way.

Here, in the public transportation, some fight for seats and some fight for newspaper that feed their hungry stomach.

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Replicas

Working in a trading company, browsing products and calling wholesaler every day kind of makes me want to start my own business. Yesterday I was browsing on this websites call Alibaba.com which is quite famous for all the suppliers, vendor, and manufacturers and trading companies, I found that there are many wholesalers that offer superb deal for MAC cosmetics. And it just hit me that I should start selling these stuffs online. So I decided to open another facebook account as a start for my new online store. I was thinking about attractive names for the store, such as Always on Sale, Sexy Nerd, and so on. Funny names I know. But I thought I need something catchy. Surfing again and again on Alibaba.com for hours after I got home, and doing the same thing at work. Hm… Finally I chatted with a wholesaler around lunch time. She is a very nice person, I think it’s a she, not sure though. And found out that the cosmetic products that they supply are all replicas. Hm…how the hell on earth people doing illegal business online? And why is this happening? And so I googled Mac cosmetics replicas, and thousands of websites appeared. Half of them were wholesalers. Wow, amazing! Now I started to doubt those cosmetic products I got from the internet (just a few since I don’t buy many online). Luckily all my Mac products are from Duty Free Shop, I guess they should be safe. Or not? Hmm… This world is unbelievable. Everything that seems nice from the outside might not be nice afterall.
Now I am browsing back for other products that have potential market and NOT FAKE!

Restless night

Some nights, you could just fall into sleep as soon as you lie down on the comfy bed. Some nights, no matter how you try to sleep, you are still widely awake. That is called restless night. Many factors can cause restless night, for instance high dose of caffeine consumption, or having money problem. Tonight, I am restless because of the coffee I had, and also some other problems. As I mentioned a few days ago that I am currently working part time in a small trading company, I have no income in the last month of the year. Having no money with debts in my account due to the loan that i got from my credit card, I could not help thinking about money. I am not that kind of person who concern too much about money. I always believed that money will come itself, somehow. But having no income triggered my security and faith. People around me always wonder why am I not flying home for holiday and so on,it is because I am not financially available for that. Besides that, got a job offer but couldn't decide whether to take it or not has been really harsh on me. I don't show it but I am having a hard time thinking especially when I am kind of in the middle of jobless and part time worker with no money. Broke! If you asked me now, do I want the job? My answer would be 'Yes' if my boyfriend is continuing his job here. Or else...I am not sure. Doubts grow from a small seed into a huge tree now. I don't really know what to do and there's 8 days left before I have to decide. What should my final decision be? And will it be a wise one? I have no idea. Restless night should end now. I just had some milk and hopefully it will help me sleep. Good night.

Gaining Weight

Shocking news! I am currently 160cm and about 51 to 52 kg. Today, the scale hit 53 kg after two years. This happened after I left the horrible lab. Shit! I have to start to watch my weight. The food that I am eating. I think I had too much junk food. Gonna start taking care of myself from now. :)

Hesitationsss

Once in a while, you hear funny noises in the subway train and the whole container wabbling as if the subway was going to fall off track. Once in a while, you see some people shouting or screaming, or even giggling out load to themselves in the subway as if they've lost their mind and could not think straight. Or perhaps they lost a nerve connection that was supposed to control their sanity. Well, living in a congested unreasonable society with endless stress does push people to the limit.
Today, coming to work. Can't help thinking about what happen to the other girl who was let go by the company yesterday. Can't help wondering why is the world so cruel to some people. Can't help but keep hesitating about my decision whether to stay or to go. Full of doubts and can't make any decision.

Cause and Victim of Selfishness

Getting out from the cubicle is just another way into the other cubicle. Lied my way through graduation, escaping from tons of work that professor might ordered as long as I was there. I told everybody in the laboratory that I was going back home, in fact, i was still around. I just need to get up from that confine, horrible seat where I have to concern about other's "eye signal" which means mood.
Got a part time job in a trading company. Plan to work only for a month. Still hesitating whether to stay or leave this country. Got another job offer in a bigger company, but I do not want to spend my lonely twenties in this country. If my boyfriend was sent back home, I would definitely send myself back home. It might sound cheesy but it is for the better. Okay, this part time job is related to searching domestic products that have potential to be exported. Also, of course finding the manufacturers at the lowest cost which involves the big country China. I am only interested in cosmetic products so far. Unfortunately, I failed to enter a cosmetic company; which was a shame for them, not me. Here, in this trading company I did some research about cosmetic ingredients in the first few days with the girl who haa also just started working there for not more than two weeks. She is a matured and nice person; the only girl in the office before I entered. Well, we did not talk much but I was sure that we would be close in the coming one month I work there. Today, I came to a shock when she told me that she would not come to work tomorrow because the boss kind of told her not to. Apparently, the cosmetic products trading was not a good idea for the current business in the company. Opps! That's why he asked me to do some other stuff today. Hm... I came to realize that in this world, nothing is fair. Everybody is selfish. Many seek you when you are useful, but ditch you when you are not. Come to think about it, I was really selfish too;lying my way out from the cubicle, leaving my junior working alone. Hm... Sorry. I am so sorry.
From now on, always be cautious, do not fall into the trap of selfishness. I do not want to be a part of that evil force.

Running out of luck

Running out of luck. Had a bad morning yesterday. The "Guy in charge" refused to give me the verification stamp for my graduation thesis. He told me to come next week, merely because of his insecurity of me not wanting to work after getting the verification. What he did not notice was that I will not stay. Next week?! Fine.
Running out of luck. Before graduating, seems like North Korea decided to start a war before my graduation. Please, get real! Grow up people! Stop fighting like small kids!

Coming to an end...

Girl's from an isolated cubicle,
leaving the cubicle,
soon...


to be continue...

...

Overloaded jealousy,
claiming my love for you and yours for me.
Acting like a maniac,
tossing emotion from nowhere,
creating destructive scene,
flowing your good mood with my tears,
making sure there’s no fun without my existence.

Wrapped in jealousy and insecurity,
I’m miserable and unsociable,
I’m needy and greedy,
nobody can make me happy,
but you tried.

Blinded by my pessimistic emotions,
shouting and stomping in front of you,
losing rationality,
creating the biggest mess for you.

Invading your privacy,
like an alien invading earth,
perhaps I am abnormal,
perhaps I am pathetic,
perhaps I am just unable to be content.

And yet,
you called it a beautiful mess,
treasuring every single good about me,
tolerating every bad about me.

All I gave you was a thousand blank apologies,
for the beautiful mess I’ve made…
I wish to proceed, go forward with you.
I want to proceed, go forward with you.
I’m sorry for the beautiful mess I’ve made,
you are the only person who can understand me.

wonder

Seems like it's not easy to live in a world full of trouble and turn around to be a positive person. Many things are just unexpected. It might be the karma that haunt you from your pass lives, or the Bodhidharma that bless you from your pass lives. Perhaps we should just live with it, without trying to squeeze our brain to complicate every single situation.

I was just a little girl,
wondering how would it be like when i grew up.
Wandering under the rubber trees in my dream,
listening to the sound of nature,
so simple and calm.
I could hear footsteps,
proceed closer towards my direction.
Instantly I knew, the person was my grandfather,
who was not very close to me in real life.
However, in my dream, in my wonderland,
everything was possible.

I grew up,
became a working lady in the small and isolated cubicle.
I no longer own the power,
to create dreams and to wonder.
Sitting on the square and tough chair,
in front of a computer,
listening to the radio online,
so beautiful and yet so stressful.
I could hear footsteps,
proceed closer towards my direction.
Instantly i knew, that person was my boss,
who was never been really good to me,
in real life.
And I lost the charm,
to create the wonder.

New Era of Positivity

Yesterday I was talking to my brother on the phone, complaining about my work and stuff like that as usual. I forgot that the power of negativity that can possibly bring me down to a shit hole. Luckily, he reminded me.
He told me that we should learn to ask from the universe, things that we desire. Do not complain because that's why you get all the bad stuff. He is right. I was the one who taught him about this secret years ago. But presently, I am drowned in vain. I was. I am going to change my life once and for all now!

So, my strategy is to come here and write about things that i want everyday!Visualize, and receive.
There's one thing that i really want now,no lab tomorrow! no lab after 7pm. Let me go home early! I want them to realize that letting me go early makes me a more productive person! So let me go early:) Yeah!

This is day one of my positivity program. :)

Idiotblue

CLOCK IS TICKING

Clock has been good to me these days. It has been speeding up its pace. I feel like graduation day is drawing nearer each second, the queue to buy the ticket of freedom is not long. Just a few more months away.
Start listening to one of my favorite radio station when i was a teenager, hitz fm today. Reminds me to myself when i was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen; before i stepped out from my comfy home country into the materialistic world. Damn, it's already 7 years ago. The songs are all so new and yet i am so old.

Waiting for a better tomorrow:)

Girl from the isolated cubicle